dedicated to all my female mentors.

Two of my most brilliant seniors, Charleen and Phoenix, both Seminoles, stand in front of my desk after class.

Charleen: Mr. Flores, can we talk to you about something?
Me: No.
They both frown.
Me: I’m busy and have no time for Seminole women nonsense.
Phoenix: Whatever. (she reaches into my bowl of dum-dums and starts digging around for her favorite flavor.)
Me: (Indignant) PUT THOSE DOWN young lady!
She takes one, smiles at me and puts it in her pocket. She takes another, Root Beer, unwraps it and puts it in her mouth, still smiling.
Me: Disrespectful heathen. Leave me be.
Charleen: We want to start a club.
Me: Excellent, what kind of club?
Phoenix: A feminist club.
Me: As your teacher I must say, “well done.” As a man, I say, “waste of time and space.”
They laugh.
Me: HOW DARE YOU LAUGH AT YOUR TEACHER!
Phoenix: Blah blah blah.
Charleen: The rules say we need a teacher to sponsor our club.
Me; Yep, and a purpose. Feminism is not a purpose, it is a reminder for men that we would be better off evolving to a-sexuality.
Phoenix: What’s “a-sexuality”?
Me: My point exactly.
Charleen: We want you to be our sponsor.
For the first time in my entire crappy existence, I am speechless.
They smile.
Me: but…but…I hate women.
Phoenix and Charleen: no you don’t.
Me: But I could, you never know, I’m unpredictable.
Phoenix: No, you couldn’t.
Charleen: Nope.
Me: but, but, you know I’m a man right?
Laugh.
Charleen/Phoenix: Yeah, we know.
Phoenix: Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone.
Me: Hateful child.
Laugh.
Charleen: So, will you do it?
Me: It would be a true privilege and honor to serve as your sponsor, yes.
Smile.